Firsts


  • The first time I say “goodbye” instead of “I’ll be back.”
  • The first time I see your family without you.
  • The first time I go to your favorite restaurant alone.
  • The first time I can look at your picture without crying.
  • The first time I mix present and past tense when talking about you.
  • The first time I do laundry without any of your clothing in the basket.
  • The first time I realize I don’t have to use the hypoallergenic detergent anymore.
  • The first time I use it in spite of this.
  • The first time I go grocery shopping and don’t have any items on the list that you’ve added.
  • The first time I look over at your chair and have a moment of confusion, wondering where you are.
  • The first time someone tells me I don’t have to be strong any more, and I wonder why they can’t see that I was never the strong one.
  • The first time our cat jumps on your desk, and I don’t need to yell at him because you have no more medications for him to knock on the floor.
  • The first time I say “my” instead of “our” and I feel a sickening twinge inside my chest.
  • The first time I feel a societal pressure to stop broadcasting my grief, in spite of absolutely no one telling me to tone it down.
  • The first time I see a couple in public and have to bite my tongue to keep from telling them they need to stop taking each other for granted.
  • The first time I lie when someone asks me how I’m doing, because they shouldn’t have to hear me ramble on about how one of the strongest, bravest, most formidable women I’ll ever know isn’t here any more to be my foundation and I am falling apart without you.
,

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.