I didn’t cry today.

It’s been two years. I went to school, thinking that I did not want to be home alone. Students had early dismissal and a basketball game today. There would not be much time for teaching. I regretted my choice before I got there. Things were accomplished, but not as much as I wanted. I did not have the willpower to keep myself busy. My mom sent me a text to say she was thinking of me. Those who know her will understand the level of…Continue Reading “I didn’t cry today.”

17 years ago today, I said “I do.” Popular culture says I should have been nervous. Ready to flee. Afraid of the “ball and chain.” I was never so sure of anything, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. For almost 16 years, Through the sickness and the health, (mostly sickness) I never stopped feeling that way. I never regretted my vow. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. Instead, you spent the rest of…Continue Reading “17 Years”

The slight chuckle you’d give when I said something stupid that you invariably thought was sweet. The routine we had where I’d ask if you wanted supper and you’d say “yes,” but then wait until I asked what you wanted to eat. The small, sympathetic sound you would make when it was obvious I was sick or in pain. It never compared to what you were going through, but it worried you just the same. When you stole the blankets, forcing me to wake up…Continue Reading “Things I Miss”

The first time I say “goodbye” instead of “I’ll be back.” The first time I see your family without you. The first time I go to your favorite restaurant alone. The first time I can look at your picture without crying. The first time I mix present and past tense when talking about you. The first time I do laundry without any of your clothing in the basket. The first time I realize I don’t have to use the hypoallergenic detergent anymore. The first time…Continue Reading “Firsts”

My alarm got me up just after 1 am. I remember turning it off. I have no alarm set for that time, but now I can’t sleep, so I guess I’ll write instead. I keep seeing things that remind me of her. I keep  hearing things in conversation that make me think she would find that amusing and I should tell her when I see her again. And then I remember that I won’t. I haven’t played video games since. She was my partner in…Continue Reading “Observations”

This is the last picture I ever took of Kelli. She was admitted for abdominal pain and it was determined that she needed her gall bladder removed. The routine, non-invasive surgery couldn’t be done because of all the other surgeries Kelli’s had throughout her life, so they had to do the old school “giant cut and dig around for it” method. A few days later, just past midnight on June 19th, mere hours after I went home for the night, she passed away. It was…Continue Reading “Goodbye”