Music: Gaslamp Funworks, Theme for Harold var 1, & Cypher
Aaron: Hello? Anyone here? Crash? Corgi Army? Anyone?
Crashbang: …
Aaron: Well, the equipment’s all running, so I guess wherever Crash went he intends to be back soon. Um … hi, and welcome to Crashbang’s Workshop: a podcast where your hosts Crash (wherever he is) and Aaron (that’s me) answer your World of Warcraft themed photography questions. Speaking of which, give me a moment. I’m going to look around and see if we have any questions for this episode.
*Paper shuffling*
Aaron: Let’s see … Mekgineer’s Chopper schematics … notes on tinkering in non-euclidean spaces … SCP-882, whatever that is… something that looks like a love letter…
Crashbang: You leave that alone!
Aaron: Woah, sorry, Crash, I didn’t see you there! Of course, in retrospect I should have taken a look inside the couch cushion fort you built over there in the corner.
Crashbang: Quiet, you fool, you’re giving away too much information about my location!
Aaron: Paranoid, much?
Crashbang: It’s not paranoia if they ARE out to get me my friend!
Aaron: “They?” Who’s “they?”
Crashbang: Oh there are many enemies. Right wing activists, left wing activists, dorsal wing activists…
Aaron: Pretty sure that last one doesn’t exist.
Crashbang: Oh they don’t actually HAVE dorsal wings – most of them, at least. I’m referring to the silent militant moderate majority.
Aaron: Wait … what?
Crashbang: Oh, they’re a crazy lot – constantly trying to find common ground between parties and make decisions that benefit everyone involved – OR ELSE!
Aaron: Crash, did you drink the glowing water from your reactor core again?
Crashbang: THEY EXIST, I TELL YOU! I just spent a week doing surveillance work in one of their ringleader’s flower beds disguised as a common lawn gnome! Every day I watched him walking down his sidewalk to get his mail, acting like he owned the place!
Aaron: Probably because he did.
Crashbang: Did he, Aaron? Did he? Or is it more likely that, due to the tumultuous nature of our present economy, the house was mortgaged?
Aaron: OK, but I still don’t see how-
Crashbang: BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! It has come to my attention that a particular worgen is specifically seeking me out for nefarious purposes. I know him well. We’ve met on the field of battle many times in the past. I thought I’d given him the slip, but it seems that he has never ceased his attempts to track me down. Chew toy, indeed!
Aaron: Chew toy … Crash, are you talking about Drethan?
Crashbang: SPEAK NOT HIS NAME! Even now he seeks me out, a jar of peanut butter in his left hand, a bottle of hot sauce in his right! They’re economy size containers, of course. He’s fury specced, so he can carry them easily.
Aaron: You’re making way too much of a big deal over this. Dre’s a nice guy, honest! He’s even on my RealID.
Crashbang: WHAAAAAAAAAAT?! You fool! Now he knows where you are, and by extension, he knows where I am! Our security’s been compromised! Quick, you take this and reinforce the couch cushion fort, I’ll deploy the robotic fire hydrants as a delaying tactic!
Aaron: I – wait, is this an arc welder? Crash, I’m not going to use an arc welder on couch cushions. Do you have any idea what kind of fire hazard that is?
Crashbang: Of course I do, what kind of fool do you take me for?
Aaron: Oh man that’s way too easy.
Crashbang: There’s a reason why the robotic fire hydrants are fully functional. Any fire that breaks out won’t get more than 10 feet from the source.
Aaron: Except I’ll be within that 10 foot radius if I’m using an arc welder on upholstery.
Crashbang: That’s a risk I’m willing to take.
Aaron: Look, can we just answer this episode’s question?
Crashbang: Question? We don’t have a question.
Aaron: Sure we do – this love letter that someone sent in.
Crashbang: IT’S NOT A LOVE LETTER AND GIVE THAT BACK!
Aaron: I do believe you’re blushing. In any case this “non-love letter” smells faintly of motor oil and appears to have been written on blueprint paper. All it’s missing is obvious radioactivity.
Crashbang: You, uh … might not want to turn on that Geiger counter, then.
Aaron: Mm hmm. Well, since I’m already doomed to gnomish decontamination procedures, I might as well read this.
Crashbang: No, don’t!
Aaron: Mousi writes:
“When taking pictures in dim lighted dungeons, how can you take a better picture to show the details of your subject? Say, their cuteness.”
She then goes on to add several hearts, Xs, Os, and at least one drawing of a pony.
Crashbang: Give me that! You had no right!
Aaron: Consider it payment for stomping through my flowerbed for a week. Also: Garden gnomes don’t wear goggles.
Crashbang: *inaudible grumbling*
Aaron: OK, Mousi, since Crash is obviously twitterpated-
Crashbang: Am not! … at least until empirical evidence proves otherwise…
Aaron: Yes, of course … anyway, dungeons and instances offer an interesting challenge. Groups will usually not wait for two lovebirds to set up the best shot, so you’ll need to take pictures on the run. If you’re shooting on manual, open your aperture up as far as it will go – the lower the F-Stop, the better. This will allow for faster shutter speeds while still avoiding tripod use. It would also help to group with party members that tend to generate a lot of light themselves. Mages, boomkin, and, let’s face it, any healer would be great for this. You’ll want your subject to NOT be between you and your light source however, as that would cause it to be back lit and subsequently silhouetted. Sometimes a silhouette will look pretty awesome, but from how you worded your question it seems to me you want details in your photos. Crash, is there anything you’d like to add?
Crashbang: *rather subdued* No … may I have my love letter back, now?
Aaron: Sure, here. It’s about time to wrap up the show, anyway. If YOU have a question for Crashbang, you can send it to his Twitter account: @Crashbang_G. Of course you can also go to this show’s website, aaronbsmith.com/crashbang. In addition to submitting questions there, you’ll find links to subscribe to the show, previous episodes, and links to our various projects. Until next time, this is Aaron and Crashbang reminding you to keep your camera at the ready, and your couch fort reinforced.
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You’ve been listening to the Crashbang’s Workshop Podcast. Music for this show has been provided by Kevin MacLeod. Find these tracks and more at http://incompetech.com.
This show is released under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial License. Share and remix it all you like, but be sure to give credit and don’t make money off of it, or a raid group full of gnomish lawyers will track you down – and no one wants that.