Crashbang: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, gnomes of all sizes, welcome to the first ever Crashbang’s Workshop Podcast. Some said it couldn’t be done. Some said it SHOULDN’T be done. Some … had no idea what I was talking about and asked me to stop bothering them.
[record scratch, change music]
Crashbang: But never mind the naysayers! After what seems to have been far too long, we’re back online, baby!
Aaron: Woah, what’s with all the studio equipment?
Crashbang: Shh! I’m recording the introduction for my new podcast!
Aaron: You mean the one you’ve been talking about doing for over a month now?
Crashbang: Yes, exactly! I’ll admit I had some setbacks … a few fires, random explosions, several injunctions from the Department of Safety, not to mention the corgis. Corgis everywhere.
Aaron: Corgis? You mean cogs?
Crashbang: No, cogs everywhere are perfectly normal in my workshop. These were corgis.
Aaron: The little dogs with stubby legs and tails? Like Ein from Cowboy Beebop?
Aaron: That’s … unusual. Even for you.
Crashbang: Indeed. Well, if you’re not going to go away, we might as well begin some introductions. My name is Crashbang Geercrunch: Illustrious Grand Master Engineer, proud non-irradiated citizen of Gnomeregan, and all around handsome, brilliant, and humble gnome about town.
Aaron: Uh huh.
Crashbang: And the overly CYNICAL and BORING human who WILL NOT GO AWAY is Aaron, a relatively low level educator who currently teaches technology and visual art classes.
Aaron: It should be noted that Crash here doesn’t conceder someone involved in tech as “advanced” until they’ve survived no fewer than 5 catastrophic equipment failures, and that’s 5 more than I intend to encounter.
Crashbang: Like I said: Boring. Though now I see how you were able to get past my defenses and enter my Workshop unscathed.
Aaron: You mean the big red button outside your door that says “Don’t push this?”
Crashbang: Exactly. No true engineer, gnome, goblin, or otherwise, should be able to resist such a lure. I myself fall prey to it at least once a week.
Aaron: Uh huh…
Crashbang: But enough about my ingeniously clever workshop security! The purpose of this show is for me, your, intelligent, and dashingly good looking host, to answer photography questions submitted by you, the listener – who I can assume is also remarkably intelligent since, after all, you chose to listen to me.
Aaron: You’re laying it on rather thick there, Crash. You might want to lay off a bit on the ego trip.
Crashbang: Nonsense! My audience will love this!
Aaron: And how many listeners do you have right now?
Crashbang: Including us?
Aaron: No, we’re the cast.
Crashbang: Oh. Then … one. Maybe.
Crashbang: Well my mother said she might find the time to listen if her raid nights ever get canceled.
Aaron: Uh huh. Do we even have a question to answer?
Crashbang: Indubitably we do! Cipher Agent Gordyito sent in the following:
I’ve been given a project to make a visual record of nighttime “events” that have been happening. My supervisor gave me a camera to use (something about specialized equipment) and I set off to complete the project. After some initial attempts to document the events, I discovered that there was too little light and I couldn’t see a thing in the picture. I contacted a relative and he was able to provide some flash lightning to help me. Unfortunately this startled the subjects of the documentation and caused some very bad situations (Lord Lovecraft, my relative, is still recovering from the expedition). How can I get the shots I need without attracting the attention of the photographed?
Cipher Agent Gordyito
Aaron: Wow, that seems rather intense.
Crashbang: Well what did you expect? Not every photographer goes around taking pictures of trees and flowers you know.
Aaron: I’ll have you know tulips can be quite charming.
Crashbang: Back on topic: Gordyito, I think there’s several issues that need to be addressed here.
Aaron: Yeah, assuming these “events” you want to photograph involve something moving, you don’t want to use the tried and true method of putting the camera on a tripod and leaving the shutter open for a minute or two. That might let enough light in, but you’d end up with a giant motion blur.
Crashbang: So a flash would normally be a good idea here, but as you’ve written it seems to be attracting unwanted attention. Was, er, Lord Lovecraft standing too close to the flash? You might want to try some type of remote activation for your equipment.
Aaron: That’s a good idea. Both cameras and lighting have commercially available remotes, and those who like to tinker can find plenty of plans online for how to build them. The point here is to have the flash be as far away from you and your camera as possible while still illuminating your subject. The flash might generate some threat, but if you’re out of aggro range you should still be in one piece when the dust settles.
Crashbang: Failing that, or maybe in addition to that, you may want to enlist the aid of a tank that can taunt things off of you and your equipment. Heck, even a hunter with misdirect would be good in a pinch. Just be careful who you pick, as LFG is full of undesirables this late in the expansion.
Aaron: Are you hiring yourself out there, Crash?
Crashbang: No way! My rule of thumb is to not hang out with anyone named or related to someone named “Lovecraft.” Nothing against him personally, mind you, but I saw far too many tentacles and eldritch horrors back in Wrath. I don’t even eat seafood any more.
Aaron: Fine by me. Is it about time to wrap up the show?
Crashbang: I think so. But hey, we need your help! If you like what you’re hearing and want more episodes, we need YOUR questions! You can send them to me via Twitter @Crashbang_G or, if they’re more involved that 140 characters will allow, just go to aaronbsmith.com/crashbang and click on the “Submit A Question” button. While you’re there you’ll also be able to see our show archives-
Aaron: Once we have more than one show….
Crashbang: Shush, you! and you’ll also find links to my Tumblr site and whatever projects Aaron seems to be working on.
Aaron: So until next time, this is Aaron and Crashbang reminding you to keep your camera at the ready, and don’t taunt off the tank.
You’ve been listening to the Crashbang’s Workshop Podcast. Music for this show has been provided by Kevin MacLeod. Find these tracks and more at incompetech.com.
This show is released under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial License. Share and remix it all you like, but be sure to give credit and don’t make money off of it, or a raid group full of gnomish lawyers will track you down – and no one wants that.